When we met several years ago, we immediately loved each other’s company. But there was little hope that we could share a successful future together. Our backgrounds were so different.

He came from a country far away from mine. We spoke completely different languages. Our cultures were not at all similar–his male-dominated, mine not. Besides these huge cultural differences, he was… always unique in an artist–scientist kind of way (not surprising, as he is both). It seemed he contradicted many qualities society says a young woman should look for in a partner. Instead of being socially charismatic, he told odd jokes that drew puzzled stares. Instead of having a great job, he was unemployed due to his visa status. Instead of dressing stylishly, he often wore clothing that wasn’t even in season! Rather than following the latest headlines and politics, he didn’t even know the name of famous actors and actresses. Yet, he was smart, kind, handsome, and balanced.

If we got married, I knew he would have a hard time finding a job due to his lack of English language skills. I knew we were going to have culture clashes over things like raising children and doing housework. I knew we might not be able to make it work.

Yet, I never met another person quite like this man. He is the quintessential artist—creative, verbally not very expressive, and private. He is also the eternal diplomat–soft-spoken, always avoiding conflict, and somehow attains fairness and respect in all situations. Everyone who meets him loves him, though almost no one is lucky enough to really know him. But I was. And I didn’t take that lightly.

For several years after getting married, we had a very difficult time. Heart-heartbreakingly difficult. I knew life would be challenging… But I didn’t expect it to be quite THAT challenging. Many times it seemed we had both learned a hard lesson about why not to take the path less taken, especially in love.

Fortunately, the opposite has turned out to be true. Ten years later, my husband is still the love of my life. We have two beautiful children, one on the way, and each successful careers—his in the movie industry and mine in writing. From our path together, I have learned a few things:

1. There is no reason for me to listen to other people when I already know what’s right for me.
   
2. I need not take societal limits too seriously–many people truly believe that many things are impossible in the way of love, money, and everything else–but in reality, these boundaries are simply beliefs, not facts.
   
3. It is important to figure out a way to deal gently with those moments that could everything away—especially in marriage but also in a job, family, or other scenario. For me, one of those solutions is humor. Another is knowing what is and isn’t important to me. My husband has taught me a lot about both.

I still enjoy the adventure of marriage and partnership. Along the way, other peoples’ stories have helped me immensely. More than anything though has been learning to laugh at the little things, and understanding that many things are about as little as I decide they will be.

Contributed by : Holly Kay

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